Apr. 20, 2015
Yom HaShoah just came to a close and I feel the need to reflect on all the lessons my people – the Native Americans – can learn from their Jewish counterparts. Lessons such as: how to maintain a culture despite displacement from our ancestral lands, how to resurrect a language that was thought to be dead, how to make the land whole again, how to maintain a moral compass in the face of great pressure, and how to carry on when it seems like the whole damn world would be happier to see you gone forever.
But then I got to thinking; I realized that despite the Jewish people’s many accomplishments, which are significant, even without considering their minority status – that despite Israel’s ability to survive it’s countless threats, even though it’s just a speck on the map – there are a few things the Hebrews are quite bad at. Really, really bad at.
Dear Jews. We all know that you control the media. I mean seriously, you guys are an omnipresent super-secret cabal that controls the ebb and flow of information, and yet, you do a terrible job of getting your puppets to say nice things about you. In fact, if one didn’t know better, one might thing that you didn’t control the media at all. Heck, the level of demonization you allow on your personal etch-a-sketch is either a brilliant cover, or you simply suck at twisting those little white nobs.